I'm Stronger For It

I'm often told by God as I read the book of Joshua, "Be strong and courageous, for I am with You." I had reviewed my past actions, thoughts and feelings. I had no one to blame but myself for them. God has many times given the opportunity for me to express my feelings to someone but I never took them due to fear.

The fear of being rejected paralyzes me every time. But whenever others are chosen, I get jealous though I had no right to do so because people cannot read the mind of another person. I was hoping for that fear to disappear before I try doing so - but this was waiting in vain.

As an author puts it, Courage is the mastery of fear, not its absence. I need to be able to move forward and trust God in spite of my fear. This has been one of the significant hurdles I have in my life, my love, and my faith.I had been always too afraid because of my lack of trust in God to carry me through; I refused to do so because I was afraid to show that much vulnerability again.

Still, I will keep my silence about this as I do not want to disturb a relationship that the guy had achieved with her as he took the risk of being rejected and courted her in spite of that. I respect that enough to keep my silence. Forever, I will keep this with me. The pain will fade in time but the scars shall remain. God is always with me throughout everything, even as He draws out my flaws one by one for me to discover and correct them with Him. I thank God for at least in a way, I'm a stronger person overall.

I thank my Third Wave and Local NYI friends Tamara Allen, Danita Prathipsen, Ralph Miñoza, and many others who helped get through this difficult time. God be always praised for friends that He has given me.

I thank Tamara Allen for sharing this song as it encapsulates very well what I needed.